I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
