My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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