You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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