I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
