Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize