wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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