I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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