Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
