oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Randomize
