I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
