there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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