i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
