highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
