I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
