We won't sleep together?
I wanna bring you to show and tell
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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