loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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