I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
