I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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