Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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