So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
