Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
