I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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