I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
do herpes really smell.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize