I feel like I'm in dance class right now
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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