they said they heard you say put it in my butt
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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