I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
