Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
