My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
