at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
