it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
