just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
