that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
