She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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