theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
