3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize