Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
