I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Even my vagina gasped.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
