i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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