Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
