is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
