You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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