naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
