I can tuck mytits in my pants
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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