do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
