batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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