Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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