I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
