I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
