someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
sex in a hospital.. check
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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