I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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