Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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