Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
