We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
