I'm eating all of the evidence.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Randomize
