went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
