I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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