i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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