i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize