The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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