I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
