He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
