"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
