My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I could fuck to npr.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
