Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
