if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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