Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
