I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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