I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
