I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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