is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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