Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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